When You Have to Stop Cushioning the Fall (and Trust God With the Ones You Love)
Intro:
"How can I teach women to be set free when my own daughter won’t even take my hand?"
That’s the question that hit me like a gut punch recently.
If you’ve ever poured your heart into someone who won’t receive it, you know how heavy that feels. It’s like you’re standing there with everything you’ve got—truth, love, prayer, wisdom—and they’re just like, “Nope, I’m good.”
And then the enemy starts whispering: “Who are you to help anyone else? Why would God use you when your own family won’t even listen?”
I’ll be honest—those thoughts made me question everything about my ministry and the work I’m building at Royalicious. But God has been reminding me of something I want to share with you today: your progress is not erased because someone you love isn’t ready to change.
Why We’ve Been Quiet
Over the last three weeks, I stepped away from social media and the podcast.
Every time I sat down to record, I’d write something, re-read it, and just… not like it. I did that for almost three weeks straight.
But I made a decision years ago that I will not post just to post. I want everything I release to be real and honest—even if it’s raw and painful.
So I got quiet. I let myself process.
Because healing isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s crying in your car. Sometimes it’s pacing your kitchen at 1 a.m. Sometimes it’s sitting at your desk with a blank screen because you can’t find the words.
And sometimes… it’s sitting in a Walmart parking lot with tears welling up in your eyes because of a video you just watched—and you realize what you need to share is coming straight out of your deepest pain.
That’s where I’ve been. And this is what God has been showing me.
When You’re In It, You Can’t See It
Here’s the truth: my daughter is grown. She doesn’t live with me. She’s making her own choices.
And I’ve been in her shoes before. I know what it’s like to live in destructive cycles.
The hardest part? When you’re in it, you can’t see it.
It’s like being in a religious organization that’s controlling or unhealthy. When you’re in the system, it feels normal. You’re so close to it, so invested, you don’t even realize what’s wrong.
But when you get out? Oh, you see everything clearly. The manipulation. The fear tactics. The control. You can’t unsee it.
I’m on the outside now. I can see my daughter’s life clearly. But she can’t.
I’ll never forget a friend of ours years ago that my husband and I tried so hard to help. He looked me in the eye and said,
*“Shantel, you want me to change my lifestyle, but it’s all I’ve ever known. It’s comfortable to me. Familiar to me. What you want me to do is unknown—and that’s scary.
My life might look chaotic and unsafe to you, but it feels predictable to me. And predictable feels safe.”*
That conversation stuck with me.
Because it’s the same with my daughter. Her nervous system is wired for chaos. Anything healthy and stable feels unsafe and unfamiliar.
It’s like Jesus said in John 8:32, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” But first… you have to know you’re bound.
The Pillow and the Eagle
For years, I have bee the pillow-holder in her life.
I recently heard Tiffany Jenkins say, “You can love someone to death. Enabling is not love. Enabling is like running around with a pillow, waiting for them to fall so you can cushion it. But if they never feel the fall, how will they ever know they need to change?”
And God whispered to my heart: “Shantel, you keep catching her when I’m trying to let her feel the ground.”
That’s when He reminded me of the eagle.
When an eagle’s babies are old enough, the mother pushes them out of the nest. She knows they’ll flap and fall at first, so she swoops down to catch them and brings them back up.
But she doesn’t stop there. She does it again and again.
Because at some point, the eaglet has to feel the fall. If it never feels the fall, it will never learn to fly.
And I realized… I have said I’ve released my daughter before. I even talked about it on the podcast.
But the truth? I let her go… and then I picked her right back up again.
This time, God is asking me to fully trust Him. To let her feel the fall. To believe that He loves her more than I ever could and that He’s working in ways I can’t see.
The Hardest Thing You’ll Ever Do
I’m not going to sugarcoat this.
Releasing someone you love—especially your child—is one of the hardest things you will ever do.
Because you never know:
If they’ve eaten.
If they have a roof over their head.
If they’re being abused.
Or even if they’re alive.
That fear is real.
But God reminded me: “You are not their savior. I am.”
He showed me that enabling isn’t love. It feels like love because it spares them pain—but really, it’s just delaying the moment they wake up.
And He showed me that my healing is not tied to her choices.
I’ve broken my cycles. I’m healed. And I have to remind myself daily: her process is hers, and mine is mine.
Trusting God With the Ones You Love
I don’t know who this is for, but I know I’m not the only one walking through this.
You’ve done the work. You’ve healed. But someone you love is still in chaos, and every part of you wants to run in and save them.
Friend, please hear me: you can love someone and still stop cushioning the fall.
Because as much as it hurts, sometimes the fall is the only thing that will wake them up.
And when you step back, you’re making room for God to step in.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
This isn’t easy. It’s messy. It’s heartbreaking.
But the same God who healed you loves them more than you ever could. He’s working behind the scenes, even when it looks hopeless.
And if you’re walking through this right now, I want you to know: you are not alone.
Final Encouragement:
You can love someone deeply and still let them fall.
Because sometimes… the fall is what teaches them to fly.
And when you trust God with the ones you love, you’re saying, “I can’t fix this, but You can.”
He’s faithful. He sees you. And He’s got them.
Scripture Anchors for This Post:
John 8:32 – “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
1 Peter 5:7 – “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”